From a bleak world of endless sports super-fans comes A NEW HOPE! Your Breezes staff has revolutionized the super-fan system with a brand new, life altering concept: the Minnetonka Breezes Super-Reader.

Conceptualized by certified pun expert Sophia Tabat, this 100% magically soft cotton shirt features one of humanity’s most classic jokes. Take a walk down the hallway sporting this shirt, and you’ll start to notice heads turn. Pretty soon you’ll leave school in a matte Audi wearing Ray Bands- puns as excellent as this just have a snazzy effect on people.

Terrified that you’re too late to purchase the Super-Reader opportunity of a lifetime? Time’s running out, but you can still make it! Just throw your $15 at a member of the Breezes staff. It’ll change your life.