This article is from the February issue of Breezes. Pick up a copy and start reading today!

Hey everyone, Arthur Johnson here again. I would like to talk to you about one of the most pressing issues facing our world today: feminists and their agenda to not only establish worldwide domination, but to eradicate males completely. Feminism infiltrates every part of society under the guise of a rational movement hoping to “make the world a better place,” but I can assure you that this is far from the truth. I believe that feminism, like communism, is dangerous and far too extreme. Wanting absolute equality? The right to choose? Equal wages? Feminists really just need to take it down a notch. I am already oppressed enough as a white male and they wish to make it even worse. How am I supposed to survive in a society that attempts to force the authoritarian concept of “respecting women” on me?

Yes, it can be argued that men have been the ones controlling things for years, but the difference is that we are actually capable. I mean, just look at how peaceful the world is today. Almost every war started by a man has been for good reason. Women are too emotional to have roles in the government or run an entire country. However, the one exception to this would have to be the wonderful and charismatic Sarah Palin who has shown great sense and judgment, especially with her recent endorsement of Donald Trump for president. She has been on the front line of liberating us from truly oppressive forces like the demands of basic sentence structure. Feminists need to look to the example of such a classy woman. Palenism anyone?

One key goal of these feminists is to encourage women to reject men whenever possible. This is not okay. We should really be respected for being brave enough to walk up to a girl in public, give her an abundance of compliments about her body, and repeatedly ask for her number. I’m a respectable, moral dude, and I don’t deserve it when girls respond with “no” or tell me how they’re “not interested.” Also, somehow I’m the bad guy when I express my dissatisfaction online by attempting to expose the girl that rejected me.

Another thing I don’t understand is why feminists constantly get angry over such small things. Us guys save it for the big stuff, like when our favorite sports team loses or when the connection stops working while playing Call of Duty. Often I try to have civilized conversations online about why feminism is sexist, hurtful, and overall just really dumb, but all they can ever reply with is how it is “an inclusive movement that advocates legal, social, and economic equality for women” and how it “supports equal opportunities for both men and women.” The proof of how deeply feminists have wormed their way into every layer of society is in our very school. The radical Feminist Club holds secretive meetings every week, and I’ve started to grow suspicious. I’ve heard rumors that they spend most of their time plotting to overthrow the school government and enact a ban on any males trying to enter the district. One day, they actually tried to tell me that feminism is “for men too”, but if so, why is “feminine” literally the base of the word? Anyways, “feminist” is way too girly of a word for any real man to be calling himself.

A main objective of the feminist agenda is to completely destroy any masculinity men have in order to weaken us. They wish to suppress all testosterone, doing this by indoctrinating us with the color pink and tricking us into showing emotion. To take a stand, we must increase our protein consumption and join the Meninist community. In order to combat the increasing oppression of men by feminists, an extremely official Twitter account for Meninism was created by two men dedicated to the cause. We must band together and fight to give straight, white males a voice in this country again. Rather than have specific goals or an agenda, we Meninists find it more effective to simply expose feminists and their radical movement online. I also enjoy wearing my Meninist gear in public as a sign of empowerment and act of courage to show feminists that I am not afraid.

As I’ve just proved, feminism poses a great threat to our society, making it necessary to have a foolproof way to stop their so-called “revolution”. Some methods I have found effective in the past have been loudly interrupting feminists when they try to explain their rights to be “treated as equals,” or “paid as much as men for doing the same job.” We all know that men can do everything better, so just give it up already, feminists. As for the meninists reading this, be on the lookout for signs of these unruly women when you’re out there fighting the good fight against the depravity of feminism.